To My Son
by Lexi-chan
Summary: Kenshin expected a lot too much about his son. He took away Kenji's sword, but there's something more he took...his dreams...( a lot better inside! )


**A/N:I guess I should take a break with the chaptered story. If you haven't read it yet, please do! I really like this poem by Anna Edwards so I decided to make it as the main lines. You could see them in the braces and bold letters. It might be a little confusing because of the POV's, but I'll put on bold letters who's POV it is. Hope you like it, Onegai enjoi! **

**YAHIKO'S POV** Kenji had grown up a lot lately. He was handsome and every girl right down the street loved him and wanted him to ask them for the new festival dance. He was adored, much adored. He was envied by teenage boys his age, much envied because of his talent. He was a genius, somewhat like his father. He was loved, by his mother, by his father. But he had seldom given love to his loving father. He had seldom showed him the real feelings of his heart to the man that was once the legendary slayer. 

**KENSHIN'S POV** As I looked at my son from the doorway, I wondered. Could this be prevented? Could my son's hatred towards me be prevented all these years? Now he hates me, Kenji's eyes were cold towards me. But it wasn't always like this. There were years that Kenji's eyes were soft, loving caring....Years when he had smiled at me, when he still loved me. There were days I could still talk to him as a person, as a son. Why did I destroy those years? Why did I bring tears to his mother every time he comes into the door and doesn't talk to me when I could've brought joy? Why? What had happened, I didn't understand, I couldn't remeber...But wait! 

**I worry sometimes that I pushed you too hard**

**Flashback**

"Kenji!" The four-year-old boy was surprised and dropped his shinai. "I told you once and I'm going to tell you again. Swordfighting ends with me and your mother. Even if you do admire Yahiko, Aoshi, or any other fighters out there, Japan needs a ew generation, con. A peacful genration. Do you get me?" I scolded. Though it was scolding, my voice was soft and loving. I didn't want him to feel that I didn't love him.. 

**KENJI'S POV** My eyes filled with tears. As a boy, I had always wanted to learn martial arts. Seeing Yahiko, I wanted to be just as strong. I knew my father was a swordsman and I wanted him to be proud to have a son like Yahiko as well. I wanted Kenshin to be proud that he could hold a sword now. I wanted that man to see that I couldn't be stopped because around me were packed of samurais and fighters that I admired so much. I wanted to be admired just as Yahiko was admired now. I also wanted to be the envy of other boys, like Yahiko! I dreamed and wanted to surpass my father's strength even as a boy. 

My father sighed and took the shinai away from me. "No watter works, son," he said. I felt angry and rejected every time he did that, it was as if I wasn't good enough for him. He tried to pick me up, but I backed away. I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't take his unfairness of teaching Yahiko and not his own son! He sighed again and looked at my mother. "Kaoru, onagai! Please help me with this issue. How can I explain to a boy like him when he was surrounded with a background of fighters?" he asked my loving mother who had always understoof me more than that man. My father shrugged when he didn't get any help from her. "Kenji, there's a lot you can do. Sky's the limit! A lot of things, Kenji. A lot other than martial arts. There's the books, there's always science and stuff like that I never learned," he told me. He, again, turned to Mother. "Ne, Kaoru-dono?" 

**KAOURU'S POV** But I knew what my son felt. He wanted to prove himself, he wanted to be well-known as his father was. Kenshin loved him, but he couldn't understand (or was trying to take away the understanding) why Kenji was trying to be strong. Kenji had always admired Yahiko, his father, and all the visitors that had been to the dojo. He admired Yutaro, and Sanosuke as well. The there's always Aoshi and Misao that he talked so much about. Ah, he wanted to be just as strong as the people who cared about him, who loved him. He wanted to be strong as the people whio protected him, and protected Japan as well. He knew that history had already forgotten us, but he will never forget the stories I've told him. I scooped my son up onto my arms. I couldn't answer him anything. I knew what my son felt, but I also knew how Kenshin feels. All I could do was rock my baby to calm him down. I knew Kenshin had a lot of expectations for my son, maybe too much. 

**End of Flashback**

**When you were growing up**

Fourth birthday....Fifth birthday...Sixth birthday...Kenji was growing up pretty fast. He was growing taller and taller and smarter and smarter by the minute. Ah, Kenshin loved him so much. He wanted to give him a furute so badly. He gave everything a boy could need in having a good future in his life. Books, education, everything. Everything that Kenji didn't want in his life. He wanted to learn Hiten, or maybe Kamiya Kasshin. Anything but the books! I could feel my son's anger, I could feel his hatred of his father's understanding. Every time he and his father gets into a fight, he had always used Yahiko's name gainst it. "Yahiko had always been your son, not me!" or "I know you'd prefer Yahiko as your son, not me!" Kenshin was always hurt by this and my son knew it, but he wasn't going to say sorry when his father never said sorry when he didn't understand him. 

**KENJI'S POV** "I---" I swung my shinai once. I knew my father wasn't home, again. He was always like that. he left the house and return when I was asleep. What kind of a father was that? I swung my shinai hard. I swung my shinai with hatred for my father. "DON'T----" I swung it with all my might, with all the anger that I'd bottled up inside. I hated him, but I couldn't tell him. I taught myself to bottle up my emotions, just like Seta Soujiro. Father told me of their fight. I'll be liked him, no matter what it takes. "NEED----" Tears came down my eyes. A faded picture of my father's smile was torn into pieces by my mind and my heart. "HIM--!" I was angry. Inside, I was also frightened and lonely. why couldn't my father understand me? I've kept a lot of my dreams from my parents. But I tell them everyday to the Wishing Fireflies Father had told me about. I wished, I dreamed. 

**KENSHIN'S POV** Will he ever forgive me of what I've done to him? I've kept him away from his dream, his ambiton, his love. I couldn't forgive myself as much as he could never forgive me again. I saw the fire in his eyes as he watched me walk through the halls, through the rooms, through his door. He hated me with all he's got to hate. I could get along with anyone but him. No matter what he says agaianst me concerning he isn't my son, he is. I love him, ever since he was born. I held him tight and made promises, promises I never got to keep. I tried to control my temper when he slammed the shoji door shut, but sometimes it was all too much for me. 

**Wanting so much for you**

"Kenji! That is enough!" I yelled. My son looked at me, his eyes were ar from the loving eyes he had given me when he was a younger. His eyes were like Soujiro's I couldn't tell what he had behind his look. Though he didn't smile, I couldn't tell. For the past years, he never smiled, but he was happy. He never cried, but he was sad. He never yelled, but he was angry. He was silent, like a lion hungting for prey. "Kenji, tell me now. Why?" He didn't reply. All he did was shrug and walk away from me. I watched him, closely. I saw him not walking, but he was limping towards his room. "Kenji!" He turned, giving me the cold look. "Why are you limping?" I asked.I never saw his leg like that before. 

The anger of his tone wasn't there when he spoke to me. All I heard was a cold tone, no emotion at all. "I had this limp months before when a friend of mine fought me. He wasnted the son og a legend to beat him in martial arts. I lost to him back then." He looked away. 'But I will never lose to him again," he said. My son had a fight? with who? How come I never knew? He knew what I was questioning myself with one look at my eyes. "I never told you because you would've said no," he said. Well, that was true, but still..."And I chase my own dreams now, I don't need anyone." After that, he limped away. 

I never wanted for it to be like this. I never wanted my son to hate me. Even though I forbid him to run for the dream of becoming a swrodsman, I never wanted him to stop dreaming. Didn't he understand? Didn't he feel my love for him? All I wanted was to keep him away from the scars of what I had when I was a child. I wanted to keep him away from the dangers and the pain. I wanted him to have a better furute, better than any samurai's future. To go abraod, to study. To make a luving not with swords. To have a good life. But why did it all backfire? Why? When? How? 

**And trying to make sure you had everything I didn't when I was a child**

**YAHIKO'S POV** Kenji used to be the small child, the small boy, that ran up to the dojo. He always had a bright smile on his face for me as he greeted me. He always shook my hand, which Kenshin says reminds him of a kid named Iori. I wondered who that was for a long time until I met the man who's father made Kenshin's Sakaba sword. Iori's quite tall and handsome now. He was smart and a craftsman like his father. Like his father, Kenji had always been like that. He wanted to be so much like his father, but Kenshin wouldn't let him. I feel sorry for the boy, he wanted to be strong, but Kenshin wouldn't let him. Perosnally, I never wanted the books, I couldn't watch Kenji suffer for it. I taught him behind his father's back which aroused some arguement between me and Kenshin later on. 

"My son would not end up like us!" Kenshin yelled. My fists were tightening. He didn't even understand Kenji, he didn;t try to understand the boy. "My son would have a better life!" What better life was it when it meant Kenji to stop dreaming his own dreams. "He would learn nothing about martial arts, he would be kept away from the scars and the hurts we had a children!" I don't understand. Those scars, those battles, it was an honor having tham. As a son of a Tokyo Samurai, I never thought of it as suffering. I never did. "Do you get me, Yahiko? There's no limit when he has all the things we never had. You're a man now, don't you understand me? When you have a son of your own, you will. I want him to have a furture I never had." 

He was selfish. He was really very selfish. I never thought I'd say this, but he was dead selfish. He took away Kenji's dream, he robbed Kenji of his happiness when he took away the sword. His love for his son was too much, too much that he didn't understand now. He forgot his own childhood's happiness. Yes, it left scars, it left hurt, but it left the dream. We dreamed together of having a home, having a family. We dreamed together of having love, and we did get it. Why couldn't he let Kenji run after his won dreams as we did when we were younger? Why couldn't he understand that once a father and a mother are both of the swords, the outcome of a child's hear will be a heart of sword. Keshin, heart of sword. 

**But I hope I never made you feel that I expected too much...**

**KAORU'S POV** Though Kenshin says that his son hates him, I could see Kenji's thrist to prove himself. Taking lessons form yahiko at night, hitting books at day. He barely ate as he got high marks at his classes. His sensei spoke highly of him, but I could see he didn't care. It wasn't his dream, it wasn't his passion. He wanted his father to speak highly of him in the sword. He wanted more than the books, the science. He wanted a lot more than it. He wasnted to swing his sword and protect as he was protected. kenshin expected too much of his son at being able to be a doctor or something. He was achild, a boy, who still will dream. He was a son who'd hope and wait for his father to understand, to see through the achiements at school. He wanted kenshin to say..."That's enough now, son. Maybe it's time to learn martial arts for a change." but I knew that would never happen, and he knows it too. But he keeps on waiting for that day. He keeps on waiting for a blind day. 

I feel for him, ever time he walks out into the night. Through his face, I could see his tears. I could feel his sadness, his cries. He never shows it, the cold emotion hides all of it. I feel sorry for him and want to hold him close like I used to. I want him to smile, just one more time. To take his thoughts to heaven and say everything's going to be okay, he doesn't need to hide anymore. That wouldn't happen, because we had expected too much for him. He was a genius, at his sword and with something we were never good at. watching him grow, I saw our mistake. We had given him verything but taken away what was most important from him. 

**For no matter what you become**

"And the winner for the exhibit its Himura Kenji!" Kenshin smiled as he watched from the crowd. He was proud of his son, he had so much in him, but why couldn't he smile for once. He was winning, but no emotion was on his face. He was cold. "What would you like to say for your achievmens, son?" asked the judge as he pinned the prize on Kenji's gi. "Say it loud, say it proud, Himura Kenj. We are all so proud of you," he said. Kenji turned his eyes and looked deep into the crowd. 'Kenji, you still with us?" asked the judge. 

It was scary how Kenji spoke. "I feel nothing." It was cold as he looked at the silent crowd. 'For me, this is nothing. i know I want more. I want more than this. My father knows it too, my mother knows it. This is nothing, i could easily win this because I know. I've got something better. I don't want it, give it to somebody else," he said, and walked away from the stage. Everyone fell silent as they watched the boy step down from his throne. He was the best, but he wanted something better. They didn't understand. But Kenji knew who did. We did, and he was making us feel guilty now. 

**Or what you achive**

I hung my head as Kenji entered the dojo. Kaoru watched and placed her hand on my shoulder, trying to ease me. Our son had everything that we wanted for him. He was smarter then boys his age. He had something we never had, he had a future. But that wasn't his dream, that wasn't what he liked to be. I llove him, I loved my son. He's got to understand that before it all ends up too late. I love him and his mother more than anything else in this world. I wanted everything for him, and he has it all now. it's time for him to rest, it's time for him to lie back down. It's over, he has everything, but... 

**KENJI'S POV** This is not the way I wanted my father to be proud of me. For all I care doing some exhibit. I want to be strong, not a geek who does science. I will show my father, one of these days. I will show him what I can do with a sword, not with books. He had given me back everything but my dream now. Please, I want my dream back. My emotions ran wild as my father and I sat down for lunch. I couldn't look at him. I knew he'd be angry after what I'd done. 

**KAOURU'S POV** I can't say I'm angry, I can't say I'm sad. Kenji worked hard on that exhibit. I see him late at nights working on it. I see him sweating for it. Yahiko comes and he stops and learn martial arts. After an hour or two, he goes back to wrok. Sleepless nights, I see him get tired. Sometimes, he looks so pale because he refuses to eat. He just does what he is supposed to do with it. I try to get him to eat, but he wouldn't. I saw the thirst to prove to his father that he had enough of the books, but Kenshin couldn't see it, he refuses to see it. 

I couldn't belive he refuses his prize. After all, he was the onyl child who had samurai parents and couldn't help him with the project in any way. His other competitors had help from their tutors or parents because they came from well-educated family. Not my Kenji, even if I liked to, I couldn't. My only choice was to watch him or sleep through the nights he worked on that thing. I chose to watch him of course, and encourage him. I always tole him his father would be proud, but he closes his ears to that. He has closed his heart to his sather. Though that is true, I know my Kenji still loves Kenji. A Part of him understands his father. 

**What matters most to me is that**

**KENJI'S POV** I felt my fathe's eyes look at me. I hid my tears, my fears of being rejected or yelled at. I couldn't show my father that I am weak now, after all what I've done. Of course I do love my father, but why can't he understand me just for once? I tried my best at everything he wants me to, but still he doesn't seem to care of what I really loved most. I gave him all the clues, but he just didn't take it...Why? 

"Kenji?" I didn't look up. I was afraid that tears would flow from my eyes and show I am weak. "Son, please look at me," he said. I couldn't, I wanted to cry. I couldn't look at him. "Kenji, please. Just this once," he said, his voice, something I disregarded for a long time. I looked up, trying to hide what i felt inside. "Kenji, please stop this." I couldn't belive what i was hearing, but I could be wrong. I looked at my father's eyes. "Son, I was wrong all along. I kept you away from your love of the sword, something I cannot protect you from." My heart pumped, I can't belive this was happening. 

**KENSHIN'S POV** His eyes are changing. He wasn't the Kenji I know, but the Kenji I knew before. he looked at me, his eyes turning warm as it used to be. "Son?" I saw tears in his eyes and I finally realized what I had turned my son into for the past years. I took away his dream and hadn't given it back since. "Are you all right." I went to him, hugged him. He didn't push me away. I was so happy that my own tears came down my eyes. 

**you're happy...**

"Son, I'm so sorry," I whispered. He didn't reply. I looked up, KAoru was smiling at us. I finally woke Kenji from his bad dream. All the pain he had came down his eyes. He looked up to me and smiled. HE SMILED. After so many years of recenting me, he smiled at me. "Son, I don't desrve your smile, but I thank you, that I do," I told him. He nodded. I could see the love in his eyes now...the hatred was gone. I thank this day, I thank the exhibit that brought us back together, I thank the heavens for my son. 

I took my son out into the garden. He held his shinai. I smiled, i could see Kaoru's eyes in his. Kaoru swung her hand down. Kenji was fast, he was strong. Where did he learn all this when no one taught him? He twisted the same time I did. Hiten? He knows Hiten? This cannot be. But the way he stood wasn't like mine, it was like Kaoru's. No, it wasn't hers, it was... 

"Yahiko!" The young man entered the gate with a smile. He hid this from me, kenji his this from me. He taught my son swordfighting, maybe this was long before. i don't know, I haven't seen them, nor have I heard them. When did he teach my son? How come I don't know any of it? Yahiko smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up. "You taught my son?" I asked him. His nod said it all. "When?" 

He closed his eyes for a while. "When he needed his dream to come true, Kenshin," he replied. I ahdn't been much of a father to my son, but Yahiko was there to keep my son sane. he was there to teach him what a father should. He was there to make my son smile, to make his dream come true. With one look, Yahiko knew I was so grateful that I was speechless. Yahiko looked at me. "No problem," he said. I nodded, I understood now. 

**and I'm never without your love**

**KENJI'S POV** My father was back. As he held a shinai to train me, i could see it in his eyes. He was now roud of me. He was proud of me that I could hold a sword, not proud because I can get higher grades than anyone in Tokyo. His smile said it all, that he loved me as his son. I can see it all now, now I understand. I am and always was strong in his eyes. I am his son, he loves me. I am never weak when it comes to his sight. 

That night, my father took our family down to the place where Yahiko said that my father said good-bye to mother before he went to kyoto. the Wishing Fireflies were there. I realized it...I was praying to those things ever since I was a child and my ish came true. I thank them for that, but I thank my father, mother, and Yahiko more. 

**YAHIKO'S POV** That same young boy that rejected his father for years had the love for him like Kaoru did. I was proud of the kid. He held on, he hung on to his dream. He woke Kenshin from a nightmare of having his son hate him. It was all over now, my job here is done. I have to go my way someday and this is the perfect moment to do it. 

"Kenshin," I said one time. Kenshin's Sakabatou hung on my waist. "I have to go now." Kenshin looked at me, his eyes were happy, but had sadness in them. 'I smiled. 'Don't worry, I'll be back by the time your son celebrates his Genkpu. I will not miss it, not in my life. Your sword will be his soon," I pasued as I looked at the tired Kenji sleeping, "because he is now a swordsman." 

**I'll always be there for you**

**KENSHIN'S POV** Yahiko had left us. Kenji was sad, he will surely miss the man who made him what he is. But he knew my promise, I'll be there for him. Through good times, through bad times. I will be a father to him. I can't control him, but I can guide him and I will guide my son. I'll support him, forever... 

**KAORU'S POV** They finally found peace, they finally found love. They were happy now, I can see that. They got along better and I can see Kenji laugh, with his father. The man he hated was gone, now Kenshin was the man he loved. I was happy for them, of course, they're my family. No matter what Kenji does, I will always love him. I will always be there for him. When he's alone and lonely, I will always be beside him. 

**no matter what you do**

**A/N: I hope you liked it . Please read and review....flames always welcome......Thanks for everything.**


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